The singer, 35, wished her fans a Happy New Year and admitted that although this year has been the ‘very best’ of her life as she became a mother, she has also ‘struggled’.
In an emotional post, Ellie said she has been dealing with a ‘kind of panic I didn’t even know existed’.
Taking to Instagram, Ellie reflected on her achievements from the past year, which included welcoming her son, now eight months, with her husband Caspar Jopling and releasing her first book Fitter. Calmer. Stronger.
Ellie, who returned to work three weeks after giving birth, wrote: ‘Happy New Year everyone… This past year has been the very best of my life. I became a mother, the greatest joy I’ve know.
‘I’ve had time to sit down with great musicians and writers and made exciting new music that I hope will give people who hear it the same euphoric escape that I experienced when writing it.
‘I have released my first book, performed to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the President and Joni Mitchell (and I can’t explain how grateful I am for that privilege).
‘I have a dog and a cat that love me, I have my friends that really love me, and I have a husband that adores and supports me every single day.
‘But this year has also been the hardest of my life. I’ve struggled daily, nightly, hourly with a kind of panic I didn’t even know existed.
‘While the moments of being on stage in front of all of you have been some of the most exhilarating and calming, this year I have been struggling.’
Ellie went on to explain that her anxiety has dictated many parts of her life and career, but added that it has also made her who she is today.
The Love Me Like You Do hitmaker said she decided to pen the candid post as many of her fans had asked her how she was doing recently.
She continued: ‘If I was to really think about it, my anxiety has dictated quite a lot of my life and career, and I feel sad about that.
‘But it has also made me who I am, and sometimes at my most terrified, when I feel there is no escape from the sheer panic and dread in my heart and brain, I remind myself that I can feel.
‘I feel so much and that is how I have got to this place in my life. I want to tell you this on the last day of this year because so many of you have been asking how I’m doing and often do not get a reply.
‘It’s because I’ve been too scared to admit that the answer is, not very good. I feel like something is broken inside – something that has been echoed deeply by the few I have opened up to.
‘This is something so so many people have gone through, you may be going through right now, or might go through in the future – and I just wanted to say, and I have to remind myself all the time, that it’s not just you, it’s not just me. Crippled by anxiety.
‘I know so many of you reading this feel this same pain and at the same time so many of you won’t have experienced it, but will most likely know someone who has struggled.’
Ellie finished her post by urging others who might be feeling the same way to talk to those around them and said she believes 2022 will be a ‘bright’ and ‘positive’ year.
She added: ‘For those that are in this right now, we’re together and we can get through this – most importantly, by talking.
‘Talking and opening up is the hardest, and the best thing you can do. Life is a precious thing and seeing Arthur grow every day gives me so much hope.
‘I have so much love and energy for anyone going through this. Let’s get through this together.
‘2022 is going to be a bright year. Positive energy. Together. Signing off (for a bit) and sending so much love, as ever, to you all xx’ (sic)
Ellie married her art dealer husband Caspar in August 2019 and the couple welcomed their son Arthur earlier this year.
The couple have chosen to keep their son’s face shielded from the limelight.
Last month, Ellie reflected on how she embraced her post-partum figure after giving birth to Arthur in April.
She spoke about how ‘she just didn’t care’ her ‘belly was hanging out’ after welcoming her baby boy, as she talked about her self-acceptance journey and how she overcame her exercise addiction.
Speaking on the Reign With Josh Smith podcast, Ellie talked about the challenges of returning to work three weeks after giving birth, how touring in the past led to her boozing and how she was in a ‘bad place’ when she felt the need to constantly workout.
Reflecting on how motherhood affected her body image, Ellie said: ‘I just had a flashback to maybe two or three weeks after I gave birth.
‘I was walking around in this comfy T-shirt and some leggings, I was doing yoga or some postnatal thing and my belly was just like hanging out and I just didn’t care. I’ve never cared less about my body being exposed.
‘And Caspar walks in, I think we had a builder at the time and I didn’t care. I just didn’t think, “I need to cover up.” And it didn’t seem like anyone cared either.
‘You just had a child, and also this comfortability in knowing that I’m not my normal self and not feeling an urge to lose weight, not feeling an urge to look, in inverted commas, “how I used to look”.
‘It’s like you do appreciate your body just a little bit more because you realize that it’s done something pretty cool.’